Joyce Meyer Ministersaries are Brilliant
My Story wth rainbowshealstools and God
Here is my story and how God helped me to heal.
I lived in an abused house, with Dad beating up my brother whilst my Mother did nothing to stop it, or chuck out. him out. My aunt was the one to help and other people help too by telling Dad off. Mother did not know that he was abusing me, and when we did talk about it, she did nothing like normal.
I did not know that at the time, my panic attacks started from my abuse. And there was not laughter, joy so know I make sure that there is a lot of laughter and joy and having fun.
I know that God protected me and I always prayed to Him, as I loved maths.
I could never talk to her, she never guided me about what to do in life, (which when you have children, you guide them about what they would liek to do,) She never guided me about what clothes to where or praised me about what looked nice, only my grandma did that. (children like to knwo when they look nice and where they are wearing the rihgt clother, children look up to their parents for guidance not nothing )
My childhood
I am beginning to remember my hobbies, bu no with anyone encouraging me or joinging in . I loved growing plans as a child and looking intersted in birds. And I loved to talk about politics with my grandma and how the econimy worked and how money worked with the world.
But no one else took any interested or supported me in my hobbies. Actually no one else had any hobbies or talked about anything. Growing up was boring and I wanted to knom so much. I felt very frustrated and fed up as a child, because I was so annoyed of failing exams, and my parents not knowing how to help me with learning, or they never realy cared what i got.
Dad had a nice side to him which is confusing, because of he abuse too. But he wanted me to do well, helped me learn how to cycle, play football, snooker, and he worked in London years ago. Mother was a stay at home mother, but did not do much that I can remember.
Also growing into a teenager I do not remember apart from being very reblious as an adult. Becaseu of the abuse I jumped from being a child to an adult fro m 6/7 years to 13 years my laugherter wen out of the window and my eyes looked miseryable.
I only remembered this yesterday because when i went somehwhere I had taken my garlic plant that I was groowing an dmy own made cake too And I needed to know what to talk about. So talkng to someone about their plants made me realise that i needed to wake up and that an interset in their plants that they were growing And yes it was an alien concerpt to me.
My Dad
I have only just remembered why I could not have friends around our house when I was younger. WHen we had my Dad's family over on night, we played a game of snooker and they did not know that they had to lose a game so he would not get angry. That night he lost and he was very moody and the next day i stood up to him and that is when I got beaten up
We also could not have friends over because, he had moods and nobody wanted to be around him iether.
I know that there are other people that have bad moods and no body likes to be around iether.
Parents Are supposed to Guide their Children.
As parents we are supposed to give help our children by encouraging in theri studies, finding the right friends, joining groups like swimming, football, music, everything to keep them busy and occupied and out of trouble.
I did none of that, no guidnce, .Do i miss that yes I wanted to succeed at school, becasue each time I failed exams no one helped me, I could not study at home. I believe that every chid should have the chance tio study, succeed at what they are good at, follow their dreams , and mine is astronomy and electronics.
Also I help people overcome depression and anxiety and by wrinint this book, I hope I help oters to overcome their hurdles.I was beaten up and my Dad broke my jaw and damaged my back because of the abuse he put me through. He did say sorry loads of times.
I just realised that if you do not have enough sleep it effects your learning. I did not sleep well as a child
How Old Memories Come Back : Police
he reason I am talking about this , is that recently here I have had to call the police lots of times, and had togive a report of what I saw in the garages where I live.I felt so afraid so anxoius and the memories of what happened as a child came back to me. Sometimes as situations that we face as adult make us remember the past and that can be painful..
I had a memory of my past that was very painful, about the fact that I told my Mother about the abuse and she did nothing, so I told other people including my old school. I suppose parents can be in shock when horrid things happen within their own family
When I was young I had o speak to the police about what Dad did to me, my Mother did not give me the tools how to cope with what was happening and know i need to go to court about children destroying te back garages. I know it is not the same, but giving a statement to the police was very hard ,but necessary
Am I very anxious yes,and I have been praying,to God is very important. I wish my mother could of helped, but she did not. I think if we do not deal with our past, and just put it into a box and forget it, one day it will pop up when something happens like with me going to court. I thought that I had sorted my past out, which know I know that writing this down is better and to help you..
Her knew husband is not that nice either.
Even if you are anxoius, scared, know that you will be fine .If you are anxoius that can stop you from going forward like depression which is wrong. You need to be able to take control of what you are worrying about, write things down and instead of worrying turn it around to be very possitve and get on with things. deal with what is wrong.
When your life is turned upside down by the abuse the chid i at has happened to you, you might it hard to focus. As a child I loved maths, but there was no encouragement , or talk or discussion about what carrer I need to do as an adult.
When Dad had gone to prison,even though the abuse had stopped, which was good, I used to shout at Mother, and be very angry with her for not listening, or talking about anything. it was all pushed under the carpet and never spoken of again. Dad before he went was the only one who talked communicated.
I know that what happened shocked my whole family, and in shock, but never ever talk about the abuse, beating and all the stuff that went on, might have been wrong. I needed to talk, because was also, a teenager who was lost and needing my mother's guidance wrong. I love talking it gets somewhere. When you have children, they need guidance and and reassurance in life. and care.
Also my mother never had aims or focus, . writing all this is the help others in life, that working, focus is necessary.
My Batimizvah
When I had my Batmizvah, I had to give a statement of all the abuse that had happened to me, and I had a poem that I did but could not listen to it, because I was in the police station giving a report of what had happened to me My Mother did not talk about the station or any of it, I suppose at the time, she was in total shock, just before my Baitmitzvah.
Forgiving which I have written on another page is very very very important, because YOU will feel better, in your soul.
Staying bitter is not what God wants, and it stops you from going forward. I did not say forget BUT forgiveness is necessary.
Breaking Free and Being Me
When the abuse was happening, my hole life was turned upside down, and becoming women rather than having a childhood vanished. I would have loved to climb trees, . Dad even though he abused me, showed me how to play snooker, table tennis? went swimming with us, taught me cycling outside. Mother did not of thi. She taught us card games, instead of watching television, because Dad would shake at the television. We had to lose on purpose so he did not get angry. Mother had a mood that stopped me from studying and doing ha I wanted, so I was bored most of the time.
Dad liked parks for football, not Mother
You know number 3 on my training course about hair, is very hard one for me and having fun. when the abuse was happening.
I like tom boy hair styles but I also like putting it up. I love snooker, and all tom boy things. At my birthday recently I tried to play pool and I loved it, but at the back of my mind was am I going to be told off for having fun. I was not allowed fun at home as a child, mother did not like me having fun, Dad did.like laughing.
I like train sets I think.
Understanding the past and making changes to it
I phoned up my grandma and explained to her how annoyed I am with my mother for not protecting me, not talking to me, and she said that she blaim herself . I found out that if you do not talk about problems, or how to make friends or have the tools from you parents, you might make the wrong friends.
My mother did not like parks.
My grandma said that mother is does not know how to communciate and that is why she never spoke to me as a child. Could never stand up to Dad even though once she tried. Mother can not show love by hugging by talking can not laugh I need to change all this, and that why I am writing all this down to help all of you.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO TALK
Bolting it inside of you putting it under the carpet is wrong. Maybe things are too painful too. Writing this out is also helpful and forgiving is essential, so you do not stay bitter.
IS having a therapist any good, maybe for some people. I find that helping you all by writing helps me tooou find like when you find other articles on abuse and they talk about how they have healed and that is great.
When you have been mentally abused, you feel that you might feel that you