God I am truelly greatfull for all your love and help for letting me have all that surport
Yesterday was a very hard day looking at my watch, because yesterday it was my Dad s cremation at the Chrematum. Our Rabbi was kind enough to help take the service dor me and for the last 10 days and over Christmas Hoildays i had to come terms with the fact that my Dad had died quickly and even though he had abused me , he was my Dad too
what I had problems with the fact that I did not want him in my head at all even when his body was in a cofin. So when I went with my family to the furenal I felt unease wgen the body came and with my Dads sister and uncle and friends that I did not remember. Any when the body came I kept repeating to myself a Jewish Saying "i trust in God and I will not fear constanly even when I read my peom of saying goodbye Dad
The reason for constatly for me looking my whatch was the fact it was very hard for me to be in the same room with my Dad. And sorry for being rude I could not wait to be out of that room. But U also hadpentup angry towards him that
I kept buried for ages so writing this down realising it also,that is a good way to let this out in a good way. Next step is collecting the ashes and putting in Isreal or not is what I did. I want nothing to do with him. Each time I think of him not a good idea ban him from my mind
That part of my life gone, next Chapter freedom.